While there’s something special about bringing a new dog home, it makes you wonder what ways your life will change – both in the short term and the long. Will Phil let me work? Sleep? In what magical ways will he bring joy to our lives? Heads up: this story about dog adoption is also about dog loss.
We adopted a younger pup this time.
Adopting younger was a reaction to experiencing dog loss back to back in too short of a time period. This is the first time we have a dog this young – Phil is only about one years old (in November 2022).
We have always rescued dogs (Emma from a friend, Hamilton from It’s The Pits). Phil isn’t any different in that regard. He comes to us from a California rescue, in riverside county – Under Dog Heroes. But after Hamilton was only with us for three years until cancer took him from us, we really wanted to get a younger dog so we could have our family member in our lives a lot longer.
When dogs pass, we struggle to move them to our past. A giant piece of ourselves is taken with that passing. It is an acknowledgement of the moving chapters of life.
I wonder where we will be approximately eight years from now, especially when the photo album apps are already so casually telling me about “seven years ago” with pictures of Emma to contextualize our lives. It had me thinking that the hard part of losing our dogs is not just about them, but also how much they are associated with past versions of ourselves.
Instead of traditional comments, I encourage you to respond with blog posts, videos, or other digital creations on your own space (read why here).
👉 Share your response by posting a url to contribute to the evolving conversation section, which also includes prompts to inspire you.
We are evolving as we move through life stages – and our companion dogs are joining us in these transitions.
It would be a lie to say these dogs do not make a huge impact on us. So far, they have taught us patience, compassion, and empathy. But also, we too are changing, growing in our careers, moving, taking on more responsibilities at work, etc. These dogs are our companions for many of these life stages.
Emma 2014 – 2019: Moved 3 times, Bought a home, Embarked on Tech Startup, Beat Cancer Prognosis
About 10 years ago, when we were in our 20s, we became first-time pet-owners by circumstance. Michael always wanted a tiny dog, like a teacup chihuahua, but I shocked him when I asked if we could take my co-workers pitbull that I had grown attached to. My co-worker’s home situation turned for the worst and this sweet dog that came to the office everyday for two years was going to wind up homeless unless someone took her. I wanted us to be the someone. My co-worker trusted us, and so it made too much sense to adopt her.
We had Emma for 5 years, taking us from mid 20s to early 30s.
Emma moved with us from an apartment in city heights, to a house with a yard that we moved to just for her in Broadway Heights, to a condo in downtown San Diego, and finally helped us buy our first home, a different unit within our downtown condo building.
The day we closed escrow she sneezed blood and we discovered within a few weeks she had a cancerous tumor growing in her nose.
We pursued radiation. Prognosis was 6 months or less. We had pet insurance so we would stop at nothing.
She responded well with treatment and steroids helped to reduce swelling in her nose so she could breath. She continued to do life with us for nearly 2 years. I quit a steady W2 job in software to build a local government based startup with 2 other women, and she frequented the WeWork office in downtown San Diego – living out her office-dog dreams yet again.
Just before I would fly to San Francisco to interview with tech accelerator, Y Combinator, I had to make the tough decision to put her down.
The time between steroid shots to make life livable had decreased from weeks to days. We gave her an incredible last day and an in-home service. I will never forget that she was romping through the waves at ocean beach, dog beach, on her last day – she always wanted to give everything she did with the most energy.
The grief we experienced with the loss of Emma was so hard and a life-lesson. We were keenly aware of everything we took for granted and didn’t appreciate enough. Out of this experience, we started to think of our pets as our children. Michael wrote a letter to Emma she’ll never read that melted my heart and makes cry to think about now. It was full of regrets for not having had more patience and not realizing her intense importance to us as more than a “dog”.
Hamilton 2019 – 2022: Wework, Covid & WFH, Acquisition of startup, Walking Routes, Honorary Shop Dog, Dog-Vacations in Joshua Tree & Yosemite
Simply put, we did not get enough years with Hamilton. Nobody knew how old he was – the rescue Its The Pits first posted his age as 11, but this was because of the terrible state he was found in at a shelter. No effort was made to fix his dislocated hip and he had grown depressed and under socialized. The rescue / foster was able to get him surgery and help him through a 5 month recovery. We went to meet him and fell in love with his disinterest and grumpy looks – which was quite a difference to our highly energetic Emma.
A true foodie, Hamilton loved his mom’s cooking. Too much.
Of course Emma loved when we made her special food, but Hamilton was obsessed unlike anything we’d seen before. When I made stews or roasted a Turkey at thanksgiving, it was as if he turned on two faucets out of his droopy jowls: pure drool. He enjoyed his table scraps (from his food bowl), especially steak, burgers, bacon, fruit, and treats. Aside from mom’s cooking, he also had a personal relationship with every hostess and valet service in downtown, which he leveraged to get all the treats. If you’re interested, anywhere near as much as Hamilton was, I do have some really great recipes to check out.
Hamilton came with us everywhere, as his chill demeanor meant he was the perfect wine shop, restaurant, and picnic dog.
That is, until we found out he was allergic to grass! Luckily we lived in an urban jungle, so we shifted away from grass easily. We went on long walking “routes” along downtown’s Gaslamp District, East Village, Seaport Village and Harbor, through Little Italy, and even up to Balboa Park. His excellent navigational skills would help him drag us to WeWork, VinoCarta (our favorite wine shop) and his best friend (Alfredo)’s house. He made friends with Koa the wine shop “shop dog” and earned an honorary title.
Hamilton was the first dog to go on dog-vacations – Joshua Tree and Yosemite.
He fell in love with the vast desert terrains of Joshua Tree and casually waded in the creeks of Oakhurst, California. Weathering the COVID experience, he got used to seeing his parents all day everyday as we started working from home. Around that same time, he witnessed my tech startup (that Emma helped found) get acquired which meant his mommy was much less stressed out and we could afford to buy him even more toys and became our first dog to get a toy chest!
Just a few months after our trip to Joshua Tree, Hamilton began to “slow down.”
Not knowing his exact age, we initially thought it was simply old age setting in. However, in September, a concerning growth appeared in his mouth. During his vet visit, Hamilton resisted examination without sedation, prompting us to schedule a sedation appointment and subsequent surgery to remove what was identified as a tumor. The news that followed was devastating. A phone call from the vet revealed the tumor was too deeply integrated into his mouth, making removal unfeasible without severely impacting his quality of life. We were faced with the heart-wrenching decision to put him down immediately—a stark and painful contrast to just a month earlier when he seemed perfectly healthy.
Pupdate: Jun 6th, 2023
We are honestly, still grieving the loss (update: even in June 2024). Of course, we scheduled an in-home service, Hamilton became the second dog to take his last breath in my lap and arms.
I was incredibly emotionally attuned to him and his needs, so this last moment of being his advocate felt like one of the most important things I could ever do. I contemplated how much these dogs teach us about grief and joy. While Hamilton’s demise was kind of quick, he had been slowing down and not playing with his toys nearly as much. The signs were sort of there, like he knew he had cancer growing in him for months before we did.
While Hamilton passed in October, 2022 – I still think he was monumental in helping to prepare us to cope with unexpected grief: the loss of our Grandma.
Our grandma died that December, just two weeks shy of Christmas. It was a double-whammy in a way. But that is life – and our dogs prepare us for it. Weird to think about our first encounters (hopefully) with grief will be pet loss (in this case, dog loss). I have to view it as yet another gift our companions give us so that we can be prepared for human loss.
Update: June 2024 – Grandma’s house went up for sale and closed escrow the beginning of June.
Representing the end of an era, we realize no other dogs of ours will spend their last days with Grandma, run in her backyard, learn to swim, or roll around the family room chasing toys. She was so close to our dogs that Emma & Hamilton both celebrated their last days of life with her, before their in-home services. Michael and I (and Grey) brought our dogs up to her house for 11 years! All our cousins, siblings, parents, aunts, uncles would bring their pets for occasions and holidays that we practically had a pack of dogs – so many memories were made, and now that’s all we have left of this chapter of our lives.
Phil: Our newcomer (written in August 2023)
We got Phil in November 2022, only a month after Hamilton’s passing. Maybe that seems too soon, but we could not bare to be dog-less. He is a total cuddle monster and couch potato – while at the same time a total puppy. He has the most giant head anybody has ever seen and people comment on his uncanny appearance everywhere we go. They have never seen a dog like him. I have never seen a dog do the things he does! He loves to be on his back and snooze on the couch in the most ridiculous contortions.
We don’t know what life changes Phil will take us through, but we do know that he should have 10+ years with us and that will make me nearing my late 40s when I may have to endure dog grief again. I know to cherish all these days of joy he gives us and to appreciate how the Phil chapter will shape my memories of these years.
We have had Phil for nearly 9 months nowThis section was written in August 2023 which is closer to him spending half is life with us so far. He is obsessed with us and loves his life. It was very hard for him to adjust to city life with all the bustling noises from cars, other dogs, bicyclists, sirens, airplanes, etc. You don’t realize how much “noise” is happening until your dog is tucking its tail between his legs.
However, now Phil is running to every corner, full-speed, ready to pounce on leaves and say what’s up to other dogs.
He is NOT shy anymore. He used to be afraid of cars and car rides, but when we first got him we had to take him potty by driving him to a park – like 4 times a day. It was exhausting, but he learned that he loved the car because it meant going somewhere fun. Of course we took him to grandma’s house, and we started to teach him to swim. He met grandma in the short time of a month that they overlapped. We were so happy that they got to meet!
Continuing the trend of “dog-vacations”:
We took him to Anza Borrego Springs – a desert right outside of San Diego county, on a camping trip with Michael’s sister and her husband – and most importantly, their little short mut mix dog “Pippin’”. Phil absolutely LOVED camping and wants to go on another dog-trip ASAP.
We are still unraveling and unlocking new Phil experiences. We are making a decision to work extra hard on getting him training so that he is a very well behaved dog as we think the structure will make for a better quality of life. He absolutely loves to please, is food motivated, and craves attention – yet excitedly does not have issues with other dogs, children, people, or anxiety! We hit the jackpot on this dog and want to do the most we can to ensure the years to come are well-prepared for and easy to take him with us everywhere we go.
Friends: Maddie & Alfredo
Maddie 2015 – 2017: Best friend to Emma, Budding Howler, Laser Chaser, Originator of the “White Dog Trend”
Over the years, our dogs had best friends. First was Maddie, a little white dog with light brown large spots. She sun-bathed with Emma, cooled off on kitchen tile, and they had many sleep overs at each others houses. Maddie learned to swim in pools and howl on command, though pitifully, from her best friend Emma. The two chased lasers and went to baseball fields to run around. We always chose to go to grandma’s house to visit the pool rather than the beach, where we knew the dogs could truly enjoy themselves and our dogs would bring joy to our grandma.
Unfortunately Maddie was born with a congenital heart issue that was unknown & unmonitored by her first owner…
So when our friend Grey ended up adopting her, he had only the eventual news that she would live just 2 years, after he took her to the vet for her first checkups. It was heart breaking to discover, as Grey had not had his own dog as an adult yet – but he was determined to be her forever home!
Remember when we closed escrow on our condo and found out Emma had cancer? Well the day before, we had all attended (including Emma) her end-of-life service, as her time had come. The seizures she was experiencing from the very little activity she could endure were happening with more frequency. Maddie is forever in our hearts and a huge part of our commitment taking excellent care of our dogs’ health.
Alfredo “Fredo” 2019 – Present Day: Best friend to both Hamilton & Phil, Moved 2x, Grieving Hamilton, Toy Stealer, COVID & WFH
‘Fredo, as we call him for short, continued The White Dog Trend. Although, Fredo is covered in lots of sun spots that show up more so when he is wet. A true San Diegan, he enjoys the beach life at sunset cliffs and absorbing as much sun as possible. But it was not always sunny days for Alfredo, as there was a brief time before Grey owned him that he lived in the midwest. Originally rescued by The Barking Lot, they had a volunteer who roadtripped Fredo back here after his first adoption “did not work out”. Oh well, their loss was Grey’s gain!
Once again, Grey stepped in to provide a true forever home for a dog in need.
Grey, who is also my business partner at Vertico Labs, came to own this wonderful doggy because he volunteered his software engineering skills 🥺 to help The Barking Lot make improvements on their website.
Fredo lived with Grey with a bunch of roommates. But one day, he also got to experience a big milestone with his owner; the big ‘live on your own’ move in 2020, prompted by COVID and work from home. Fredo loved the new 60ft patio he would sunbathe in every morning. Sun-bathing is definitely a white dog favorite.
Alfredo never met Emma, as he was adopted in late 2019, but he certainly loved Hamilton, despite his grumpy disinterest.
Fredo could usually persuade Hamilton to get riled up by stealing the toys out of the toy-chest when he came over. The two of them also went to grandma’s house. However, Hamilton was never keen on swimming and usually wanted to leave the “commotion” after 30 minutes. Alfredo is all about commotion and is extremely vocal about his needs and desires with low grumbly barks. The two enjoyed smooshing each other in the backseat of cars on the way to little Italy and balboa park. They cuddled at night when the dust settled and were very affectionate with each other, often with little nibbles. Alfredo was devastated when Hamilton died, but he was a part of the end of life services at our home. He grieved his loss for about a month, …until he met Phil.
Phil and Fredo became fast friends.
They both are into play and stealing each others toys, play fighting, and running everywhere. Phil has the energy Fredo always wanted Hamilton to have. But now Alfredo is the one who tires more quickly as Phil is only 1.5 years old and Alfredo is 9. He has survived a double knee surgery and must be cautious when playing these days to prevent any further injuries.
The story isn’t over – as both Phil and Alfredo are alive and well today..
Though, we already can observe how their own lives are progressing and they are entering different phases of their lives. We are sure to absorb every moment and cherish them all. It has been very cathartic to write the story of these dogs. Especially how they have played a role in the passing of time in our lives. It hurts less to think about how tethered our experiences were, where they experienced our accomplishments and supported us unconditionally with such eager joy. It is worth having to cope with the loss in order to get to share life together and relish in their daily joy.
I invite you to ponder your own pets:
Consider pets stemming all the way back to childhood, or even pets of friends and family you have grown close to. How have they left an impact on you? (I have more prompts for you here).
Write about it! And join the conversation.
